Are you a Tiger Mom?

Recently in the news, a book called "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua has been featured.  The controversy has been steep, especially since the New York Times entitled Chua's article: "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior."  The title alone will send chills up the spine of American Mothers everywhere, yet Chua claims to be less of a claim of superiority and more of a "memoir of her life.... raising her children and a transformation as a mother."

I will admit that the Chinese children outshine the average American children overall, but to what degree?  Does the stress of being the best take away from their childhood?  (Studies show that Asian-American girls aged 15 to 24 have above average suicide rates.) Is it simply a matter of pride that drives Tiger Moms to beat the drum of rigidity?  My best guess is to believe that each situation is different and that there are certain Mothers whose culture calls for certain upbringing; that they believe that what they are doing is good for their kids; but some of what is described sounds way too military for the home or children for that matter.

Parenting author and mother, Ayelet Waldman,   responded to Chua in an interview with ABC News: "I do agree that we have developed this sort of over nurtured, over coddled, over self esteeming proto-typical American kid; on the other hand, do I think that the answer is rote memorization, and screaming and yelling? No!"  "Every parent needs to figure out that balance for themselves and every parent needs to figure out that balance for each individual child."  You can read more of her view here: "In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom." 

For me, I must say I lean toward the more lenient Mom with hints of Tiger Mom sprinkled throughout.  I have a desire for my kids to do their best in school and to strive for the best they can be, but not to the degree of denying basic needs!  While I do believe that the kids should be a kid, there is a lot to say about a little discipline.  I think it goes a long way.  My Mom was really strict with me,  and it served me well for the most part, but it took me some time to bounce back from feelings of never being good enough in her eyes from her parenting style. Do I carry on her style as a Mom today? Not entirely.....for me, when it comes time take the Mommy gavel out, and do something like look at their report card, t is very hard for me to ignore the C or B on the report card when all A's seems so within reach.....and I usually have to catch myself from saying, "what the heck is this?" and train myself to say something more like..."is this your very best?" (Not an easy task for me, I might add) 

While saving self esteem is a good thing, there is something to be said for calling a spade a spade and letting the kids know when they are letting the ball drop.  Learning the consequences of your behavior is huge in my book and I try to teach it every chance I get.  I love the concept of gauging your parenting style by picturing a highway with one extreme on one edge of the road and the other extreme on the other side of the highway.  This concept is beautifully depicted in one of my favorite books, entitled "How much is enough?" By Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, & David Bredehoft
 It is a beautifully written book about avoiding overindulgence when raising children.  Look it up.  It's another one of my favorite subjects, I will share with you another time.  For now, its time give kisses to sleepy heads on my way to bed.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

ps-

In a more recent NYT article about Chua, published on the 14th, entitled: Retreat of the ‘Tiger Mother’, it states: "Her real crime,..... may have been telling the truth. “I sort of feel like people are not that honest about their own parenting,” she said. “Take any teenage household, tell me there is not yelling and conflict.” 

Yes, Ms Chua, you would hear some yelling if you stood outside my door, for Lord knows I have enough conflict in this home...thank God neither of us would be likely to find ourselves on the next episode of Wife Swap....you would just go insane.