Competition.....a new "four letter word"?

Competition....seems to be a four letter word in the world of kid's sports.  If you are a parent, you would have noticed that there are not many winners or losers on the younger kid's sports fields.  Everyone wins! So nice.....is it really?  I know that they are kids and we dare not upset them, but do you think the kids are that dumb to know that there are better teams and teams that stink?  Are we so fragile that we have to be told we are good when we are not?  

This runs through my head when I am watching American Idol.  Are the contestants who truly have no voice (as the young lady in the blue dress) told that they were good by someone to make them feel better?  I tell you, they are not doing them any favors by not telling them the truth!  I am blessed to have a musical ear and this ear did not hear a good voices singing.....I assure you, though, that you do not need an "ear" to know that the bad contestants are just that; bad contestants.  

The funniest thing about the contestants that think they are good, is the shock they feel when they are told they are not!  Are these the results of kids who were told they were great when they were not?  C'mon Moms and Dads! LOVE your children, but be honest with them or get the opinion of someone who knows or the very thing that you were trying to shield them from, (hurt, pain) will come to bite them in the backside.  

Competition is good....losing is a good thing sometimes!! It helps you to get better, makes you run harder, get better results and sometimes, points you in the right direction.  One of the contestants, who sang horribly, was advised to try voice overs.  Hey, if she tries it, she might be successful and find what does work for her life.  Sometimes failure can be the best thing to happen to a person.  Life can produce the best successes from the thing that people dread the most; failure; but those who don't try and fail do not get the chance to learn and succeed.
Loudly yours,
Alicia

Five question Friday!

From Friday5.org

1.  What’s your favorite kind of cracker?

My favorite kind of cracker is the Snack Factory Pretzel Crisp. It is a very flat pretzel that is like a cracker.  I love crunchy things and this is about the crunchiest you could find.

2.  What part of your residence gets the best natural lighting?

The room that gets the best light is my office.  It is so nice to work in the sunshine.  I am very lucky that way.

3.  What song have you frequently listened to lately?

 

The song I have listened to frequently lately is He is with you, by Mandisa.  Great song; very uplifting.

4.  What could you use a little break from?

Oh my gosh, the snow!!!  There is just way too much of it.

5.  What’s going on in your town this weekend?

Well, not too sure about the whole weekend, but I know there is Movie Night at St. Christopher’s tonight.  The kids are really looking forward to it.

Love is a choice....

Yesterday's episode of American Idol for me was great. I must admit I have not been watching Idol in the past years, but I am huge fan of Jennifer Lopez and I think she is super adorable....such an inspiration for Latina women everywhere.  SO....I had to watch this week's show to watch since they are not re-playing the videos on the Idol Website. 

Hubby and I got to hang out and watch Idol together, which was a treat; so we marveled, laughed and cried watching the auditions.  If you watched last night, you will know which audition touched my heart the most: Chris Medina.  What a man.  His voice was great, but his story, nothing short of amazing.  He is engaged to be married to a woman named Juliana and his story even brought Steven Tyler to tears.  Here is a recap of the story from www.mlive.com: CHRIS LOVES JULI

Chris is the perfect example of what true love is.  He made a decision to love Juliana when she was whole and he decided to keep on loving her and being her second half.  He made the decision to love her, no matter what and that is what true love is.  Here is a clip of the song that he wrote while caring for her.  It is amazing.  

His song really touched my heart and I truly hope that they allow him to sing his song during the show.  It is an amazing story of his love. I love the lyrics, especially when it seems that he realizes that she, even in her condition, is a light in his life.  Instead of craving instant gratification and selfishness, he instead turns to see what a true beauty Juliana is. What an example to teach others about what it is to love.  It does not matter what the results may be, this man, in my eyes, has already won American Idol.  

Chris Medina, you are the kind of Idol that America truly needs.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Fame

Fame has been a point of discussion at the Bozza abode lately. My eldest girls dream of being famous. "Rachael and I are going to be famous, because our fame lines are strong!"  "See, it's right here! Look, it says I am famous!"  

Fame.....such a fleeting thing....what does it really mean? According to the Webster Merriam Dictionary Site, it is defined as: 
 a : public estimation : reputation 
  b : popular acclaim : renown

Origin: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin fama report, fame; akin to Latin fari to speak- 

What is it that makes one "famous"?  Is it always a good thing, leading to great things?  I think not.  Just look at some of the reality shows out there and there seems to be a curse placed on them, a sort of ill fated kind of fame.  Take for instance the Gosselins....what a mess.  Yes, she has enjoyed a healthy income as of late, but for what?  A failed marriage with Jon?  Now there is no guarantee that they would have been happily married if the show never aired, but who knows?  Then there are those famous in their own mind, another Mom of 8 or more, if you know who I mean.  More times than not, with the exception of some, like the Duggar family,  what you see is more misery than expected.

I do love this family and am more amazed than creeped out. They fascinate me and their faith is amazing.  I just hope she makes the right decision about her health and having more babies....heaven forbid anything horrible happens to that family.  They seem so nice.  Call me crazy, but I crave the calmness of the family unity there.  It is nothing short of amazing how well run the family is.  I don't think I would survive home schooling though.  I am not that organized.  

So, what is fame?  Does it always come with a price?  Seems so.  Does it stop most? Yes.  Others are determined to make it big, then there are others who are famous in our hearts, like my Grandma, a forever legend in my heart.  So fame is subjective in my mind....you can become famous in the hearts of many or famous to those who come across in the path of life.  Whichever fame comes my way, I welcome with open arms, knowing that the only people I truly need to be famous for are those who are in my circle of influence....my family. 

Loudly yours,
Alicia

Five question Friday answers on Saturday! :-)

Here are the questions from www.Friday5.org!

(It's funny how Amy B was "talking" about superheroes this past week)

1.     There are superheroes named Superman, Superfly, and Supergirl. Based on your performance this past week in whatever you do, what would have been your Super_____ name?

• My super name would be Super Multi-tasker, taking on all kinds of tasks in all kinds of ways! Boldly going shopping in light speed to make it in time for the kids to get out of school, balancing the budget for work and home, saving wayward children in need of cash, braving the wind and snow to get the car to the shop on time!!  
•  

2. This week, what has been superterrific and what has been superlame?

•  This week, it was superterrific because I felt as if I got things done in both my work life and my personal life.  Things seem to be falling into place and happening in a satisfactory way.  My crazy piles are diminishing, things are being put in order, etc.  Things are going well in the Communion planning phase and we booked our caterer and the location, photographer, hair stylist, etc.  (Just need the dress!!)
• Superlame.....the van maintenance eating away my savings!  Brakes needed to be replaced along with the 30,000 mile check up.  Almost a grand!!!!  Ugh....forget saving for the beach this month.

  
3.   Which of Superman’s abilities would have been the most useful this week?

• To fly....just to get places faster...although in this weather, it might not be the best thing to do.  I take that back...superhuman speed to do things faster and have more time for other things.

4.   What do you most expect will be super this weekend?

• Well, I will get to finally go to Vincent's soccer game and maybe some sledding if its not too cold.  I love to get to the slopes and get a thrill on the hill with the kiddies....(if I could just get them to walk on the sides of the hill after!!)

5.   What are your thoughts this week about the coming Super Bowl?

• I guess it all depends.  Living in a Jets household, it will be more exciting if they get the chance to play. If not, it will be a lot more subdued.  Not being a foot ball fanatic, it is not too important to me.  I think I am working that day, anyway. :0) 

Loudly yours,

Alicia 

Brilliant parenting idea!

I spoke to my Sister yesterday for a while and toward the end of our conversation, she told me of such a bright idea! She said that her son is more of a hands on type of person and she wanted to teach him a lesson he could actually feel instead of lecturing him about it.  She wanted to let him know about how his behavior affects the family and how certain behaviors can be burdensome while others are helpful. She told him that he would be given a backpack to wear whenever he misbehaved and that she would place a book in it to show how it feels to be burdened by a weight. She explained to him that being disruptive is burdensome to the family or to people in general.  She would say to her son, "Do you want to help people or hurt people? Make your choice."  A book is added for misbehavior and taken away for good behavior.  Showing him what it feels like to be "burdened".  I love the idea so much, I put it into practice.  It worked like a charm.  I gave my youngest son a little backpack and put a child's book in it for eating in my bedroom (no food is allowed upstairs-especially in my room)  and another book for picking on his Sister. He fought me to put it on, but was very happy when I complimented him for playing nicely with his Sister, which allowed him to take a book out.  He was so happy that he volunteered to help me pick up the little paper circles from the hole puncher that I spilled on the dining room floor.  "Bella, we have to help Mommy pick up the little circles!"  he said cheerfully.  Then a light went off in his head.  "Mom!" he said, "Now I get to take another book out of my backpack!"  He joyfully took the book and put it on the shelf, flinging the backpack. Freedom! What a great first crack at a new form of discipline!  Loved it!  It is an easy way to show the kids a "consequence" of their behavior and how they have the power to change it.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Run for your life!!!!

Seems like there is a lot of gloom and doom in the natural disaster department these days. One glimpse of the video above shows the fear of the Pakistanis as they flee from the building.  A closer look, though (at about the 2 second mark) reveals a man calmly walking down the stairs as if he is going to go out for a smoke.  It really struck me as funny that he would be so calm when everyone else was in hysterics.  I wonder what was going through his mind....did he not care that the building might fall on his head?  Did he want the building to fall on him?  Or did he have his life together so well that if it ended today, it would be just ok with him.  Wow.  What a lesson to learn.  Calm in the midst of calamity.  I want some more of what it seems that he has.  Serenity.  Calmness.  Something lacking in my life, that I hope to gain in the future.  Serenity.  Serenity now!!!

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Are you a Tiger Mom?

Recently in the news, a book called "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua has been featured.  The controversy has been steep, especially since the New York Times entitled Chua's article: "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior."  The title alone will send chills up the spine of American Mothers everywhere, yet Chua claims to be less of a claim of superiority and more of a "memoir of her life.... raising her children and a transformation as a mother."

I will admit that the Chinese children outshine the average American children overall, but to what degree?  Does the stress of being the best take away from their childhood?  (Studies show that Asian-American girls aged 15 to 24 have above average suicide rates.) Is it simply a matter of pride that drives Tiger Moms to beat the drum of rigidity?  My best guess is to believe that each situation is different and that there are certain Mothers whose culture calls for certain upbringing; that they believe that what they are doing is good for their kids; but some of what is described sounds way too military for the home or children for that matter.

Parenting author and mother, Ayelet Waldman,   responded to Chua in an interview with ABC News: "I do agree that we have developed this sort of over nurtured, over coddled, over self esteeming proto-typical American kid; on the other hand, do I think that the answer is rote memorization, and screaming and yelling? No!"  "Every parent needs to figure out that balance for themselves and every parent needs to figure out that balance for each individual child."  You can read more of her view here: "In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom." 

For me, I must say I lean toward the more lenient Mom with hints of Tiger Mom sprinkled throughout.  I have a desire for my kids to do their best in school and to strive for the best they can be, but not to the degree of denying basic needs!  While I do believe that the kids should be a kid, there is a lot to say about a little discipline.  I think it goes a long way.  My Mom was really strict with me,  and it served me well for the most part, but it took me some time to bounce back from feelings of never being good enough in her eyes from her parenting style. Do I carry on her style as a Mom today? Not entirely.....for me, when it comes time take the Mommy gavel out, and do something like look at their report card, t is very hard for me to ignore the C or B on the report card when all A's seems so within reach.....and I usually have to catch myself from saying, "what the heck is this?" and train myself to say something more like..."is this your very best?" (Not an easy task for me, I might add) 

While saving self esteem is a good thing, there is something to be said for calling a spade a spade and letting the kids know when they are letting the ball drop.  Learning the consequences of your behavior is huge in my book and I try to teach it every chance I get.  I love the concept of gauging your parenting style by picturing a highway with one extreme on one edge of the road and the other extreme on the other side of the highway.  This concept is beautifully depicted in one of my favorite books, entitled "How much is enough?" By Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, & David Bredehoft
 It is a beautifully written book about avoiding overindulgence when raising children.  Look it up.  It's another one of my favorite subjects, I will share with you another time.  For now, its time give kisses to sleepy heads on my way to bed.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

ps-

In a more recent NYT article about Chua, published on the 14th, entitled: Retreat of the ‘Tiger Mother’, it states: "Her real crime,..... may have been telling the truth. “I sort of feel like people are not that honest about their own parenting,” she said. “Take any teenage household, tell me there is not yelling and conflict.” 

Yes, Ms Chua, you would hear some yelling if you stood outside my door, for Lord knows I have enough conflict in this home...thank God neither of us would be likely to find ourselves on the next episode of Wife Swap....you would just go insane.

Junk in the trunk winner....

Last night was Justin's Gong Show and I was very excited to be there since I missed it last year.  I got there really early and scored a front row, center seat.  Awesome, especially since I have a Flip Cam and it does not do well from far away.  The show started out great, had its weak points, especially when the screaming band that sounded like they might be from hell, came out.  Loved the hip hop dancers and the amazing step team for sure; but of course the best for me, was Justin and the way he worked the crowd.  The crowd loved him, some shouting wonderful things, like "I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!!"  (from both boys and girls) and "I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!"  

His first number, including very talented musicians, was an instrumental which made me so very proud since Justin played the Bass.  He only started to play the bass in the summer.  He is so talented that way.  He even, in his Senior year, picked up the Stand Up Bass and is playing for the Jazz Band Ensemble. Crazy.  He's got his Mother's chutzpa.....(beam with pride).  You have to have guts to perform in front of a crowd with an instrument you have had less than 8 months with. I don't know...call me crazy...I just think that's worth bragging about.  

ANYWAY..toward the end of the show, the emcees came out into the crowd and asked the parents to raise their hands, so I did.  They came around and said they needed a volunteer and wouldn't I like to come up and volunteer?  Well, gosh, they asked so nicely, who could refuse? So I went..how bad could it be?  (I should have guessed from the fact that they already had volunteers do a head shaking assignment from "Minute to Win it" that they would have had something wacky, but whatever.)  So, they ask me my name, I tell them "Mrs. Bozza" and some of the kids who know me scream "We love you, Mrs. Bozza!!" (nice to have fans through your kids) :)

I step onto the stage and am joined by a student volunteer (since none of the other parents were daring enough to join me!!) and listen to the video instruction (just like on the show).  Your assignment is: "Junk in the Trunk.".......what? Junk in the Trunk?  Oh no.  Not junk in the trunk. I cover my face in embarrassment. What did I do?!?  I am not an avid fan of the show, but I have seen the Junk in the Trunk assignment played out before.  They strap on this belt with a tissue box on the back filled with ping pong balls and you have to shake your "trunk" until you get them all the "junk" out under a minute.  Oh, the joy.  It was fun, but I was thinking that my kids MUST have been embarrassed.  I ended up completing my task in under a minute, but the kid who I was up against got all his "junk" out a couple of seconds before me.  It was fun and hey, I got a pink camo Par Hills Sweatshirt and a spot on the 2011 Gong Show DVD.  Please let this not count toward my 15 seconds of fame, please?

Loudly yours,

Alicia

ps- My kids were not embarrassed! LOL!! ;-)

.Five question Friday!

1. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get tired of?

• Legally Blonde
• Rudy
• Uncle Buck
• South Pacific
• I am sure there are more, but I will spare you!!

2. What’s your biggest pet peeve right now? 

People who refuse to listen to my instruction.  Goodness gracious.  When I give direction, it’s not for my health, people!!  There is a reason behind it and for God’s sake, just do your job.  Major lack of trust on the part of some unnamed people.

3. If you had to describe your best friend in five words or less, what would you say?

Sweetheart, loving, kind, fun.

4. If you did not have to worry about money or go to school what would you do for a living?

Singer, recording artist.

5. What is your one “splurge” item that you will always buy, no matter the cost?

Sneakers or a coat.  You need them to protect your joints, keep warm and look good.

Like I'm the only girl in the world

Twenty years have passed since I made one of the best decisions in my life. I decided to make the choice to commit my life to one man for as long "as we both shall live"

The trees were covered in a blanket of glistening snow;

it was a beautiful sight.

 All my friends and family came to the big event; Daddy walked me down the aisle...

and Daniel waited patiently with Fr. Joe at the end of altar.

That was the beginning of our 20 years together!

20 years and 7 kids later,

He still makes me feel like I am the only girl in world.

I am one lucky girl to be so loved.

Happy Anniversary to my one true love!

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Choices, choices

America....land of the free, home of the brave.  Freedom.  We are free to choose.  We are lucky to live in a Country that gives most of us that privilege.....but there are smaller, day to day choices that we must make in our lives.  Most of us have the freedom to choose to be positive or negative, loving or unkind; all day long we are presented with these decisions, every single day.  

Yesterday, I went with my daughter to a retreat at church to prepare for the sacrament of reconciliation; at the retreat, the kids were divided into groups and given four different presentations.  One of the presentations asked the kids to make some choices; whether or not to: kick an opponent on a soccer team to make a goal, tell Mom that they caused a small crack the china cabinet while playing ball in the house or not, or taking lunch money and buying ice cream instead of pizza, etc. Different scenarios were given and, of course the kids (in their parent's presence) chose the right answer, but caved at the pizza question, when asked if the pizza looked gross. Many of them chose to use their money to skip the pizza, like Mom wanted them to, and buy the ice cream anyway.  It was nice to see the kids choosing the "right" answer, but I couldn't help but think about how many kids would have to put "lying" on their list of sins when they went to confession. :-)

The 3rd presentation was a game: Sanits vs. Angels, where they split the kids up and asked them questions.  When it came time for the question: "Name of one of the 10 commandments" my daughter very proudly said: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife?"  Which prompted the Director of the program to ask, "Is that what they are teaching you at your Catholic School?"  Ugh.  Although I was proud that she was one of the only kids who knew a commandment, why couldn't she pick a nice one, like "Thou shalt not steal?"  Either way, good for her....she chose a right answer.

It is always heart warming to know that there are many more today making right decisions, vs wrong ones.  I wish the news would report on more of those, that is probably why I make the choice not to even watch the news most of the time. It's a choice I choose to make. 

Loudly yours,

Alicia