Make Believe

In honor of Halloween, I thought I would post about make believe.  If you look very closely, some might say that we have Halloween every single day.  No, we don't dress up in costume that are totally out of the ordinary, every day, but there certainly are costumes that we switch on and off on a daily basis.  Every day, there is someone out there who dons clothing that does not define them, whether it be a budding teen that is hiding behind who they think that others think they are, or a corporate executive who just wants to be home with their kids hanging out in jeans!  Sometimes, we feel forced to put the "costumes" on, and others just want to stick out in the crowd.  Some people who dress in their costumes feel as if their costume defines them, which rarely ever does.  If there is one thing that I have found in life, it is that your costume does not define you!  Who you are inside is so much bigger than what you are wearing on the outside.  Take a close look around you and see who really makes a big difference in your life.  Does it matter what they looked like?  Not much.  I think back to the days when I was trick or treating at Grandma's house.  I always tease that the was as wide as she was tall.  She wore house dresses and aprons, but she was one of the most important people in my whole life as a kid.  She had influence on all of her 7 children and her influence helped them to be really great people who made a difference to those who they know.  So does clothes make a person?  Somewhat; in the world of perception, but not really.  It is who you are on the inside that makes the really difference.  Have fun this weekend and remember, its all just an illusion.

Loudly yours,
Alicia

Good things come to those who wait....

It has been a long month and this weekend, I decided to take off.  A well deserved rest.  It has been fun spending time with my immediate family and some extended, too.  Having this time also allows me to indulge some time with you in my blog.  :0)


Today is the day of the 1st annual Solidarity Walk for my kid's school.  I am not quite sure why they named it that, but I am sure I will hear a reason today from our wonderful Principal.  It is the PERFECT day for the walk and for that I am grateful.  Ok, now that we have the back story set, I was dressing my youngest and helping her with her socks (which she requested) and she pulled away from me and said "Mmmmmph! I want the pink ones!" and crossed her legs in retaliation while she was lying on her back.  I gave her a little pinch and showed her that they were indeed the ones she asked for, when she uncrossed her legs and allowed me to help her.  Now I say allowed, because if you know her, (she is a Leo) she thinks she is the boss, and until you let her  know she is not, she will continue to sit on the throne.  Anyway, as she was pulling away, I could not help but think how God feels when we pull away from Him and the things He is giving us.  We ask for things all the time through intention or prayer and what do we do?  We pull away! "Mmmmmph!  I wanted the (fill in the blank) one!!"  We think we know what's best for us and we get mad or upset or feel a little off when we don't get our way.  We must be so funny to God.  All of us, His children, spoiled (for the most part) and not as grateful as we could be.  It would be so much easier if we could just see Him, but that would be imposing and I don't think He would have wanted it that way.  I can tell you many times in my life when I wasn't getting my way and I was NOT HAPPY about it, only to find that there was something a LOT better was waiting for me, just as God planned.  I will give you an instance.  When I was waiting to hear back from the lending institution about getting the money for a condo we wanted in Morristown, we did not qualify, and I was SOOOO upset. I thought it was wonderful and after we were denied, I thought we were down for the count and we would never move out of the tiny apartment next door to my Mom.  I cried.....lay down on my bed and just let it all out.  What, was God ignoring me?!?  Several days later, another phone call came in.  ANOTHER place was available and guess what?  We qualified for it!!!  DOUBLE the space and brand new! Everything we wanted and more.  God was listening. I just needed to be patient and wait for it.  A lesson I still need to learn day by day.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

A true story......

I am posting this morning to follow up on the last blog where I may or may not have fooled you into thinking that you were in for a scare......well, while I truly do not have many (or any) stories that will scare you, I do have some that can make the skin of some crawl.  I cannot claim myself as a medium or psychic, but I truly have had some experiences that would make you go hmmmm.  Empathic, maybe to some degree, but I definitely do sense things from the "other side"and from time to time have "known" things that I could not have known on my own.  I can tell you many stories, but one that sticks in my mind right this moment is the encounter the a man who passed away and wanted a message sent to his wife, through, a messenger.....me.  Everyday I would drive by the house of this man, I would hear the voice of this man telling me..."tell my wife I love her." EVERY single DAY!!!  It went on for weeks.  Sometimes twice a day, since it was on my way to and from my home.  How was I supposed to go and knock on her door so this man from the other side would leave me alone?!?  What would she say to me?  "YOU ARE INSANE!!"  "GET OFF MY PROPERTY!!"  I dreaded it every single day.  The voice subsided on the day I decided I was going to tell her.....on the very day.  I decided to raise money to be donated to her kids, and when I got the desired amount to give her, I got up the courage, held tight to my little daughter's hand and made the very long trip up the trail to her house, my heart pounding harder with every single step.  Pound, pound...pound, pound.....  My hand lifts to ring the doorbell and I held my breath before the door was opened....by the housekeeper.....phew.  I got to wait a couple of minutes in the foyer that seemed like forever, then down the stairs came the wife, with a smile on her face, no clue about the message I was about to deliver.  She kindly introduced herself to my daughter (we knew each other in passing, but nothing more....she knew me enough to recognize my face) and we got her girls to come and play with her in the basement.  I told her that I was there to give her a donation in behalf of her girls and she gave me a CD that her husband had made that year which was a gift to any donors.  I was grateful to have it as a remembrance in honor of his life and talent.  Truth be told, it was the first time I was "meeting" him, as I did not even know what he looked like!  She invited me in for tea in the brightly lit kitchen and again, I got nervous thinking about how I was going to lay this one on her.

"I know you are going to think I am crazy, but I have something to tell you."  "This is really hard for me to tell you, but for the last couple of weeks, I have been hearing the voice of your husband telling me to tell you that he loves you."  Silence.  A look of disbelief.  "What else has he said?" She asked inquisitively, yet almost demanding.  "Nothing else. Just that he loves you."  Silence again.  "Well ask him why he left!?  We were supposed to go away together!!!" she protested in frustration.  "Tell him yourself.  Talk to him.  He is always with you."  I replied.  I apologized for upsetting her, explaining that he must have loved her very much to come through and give her the message.  She was grateful and expressed how much she missed him, talking about the plans they had made and where they wanted to go on vacation.  We sat in silence for a few moments and she thanked me as I finished my tea and we both went to check on the kids, who thankfully broke the awkwardness of the whole situation.  The girls loved my daughter and gifted her with a toy they were no longer playing with.  We thanked them, and off we went about our day.  I walked out, relieved that I survived the experience, unscathed and happy to have helped this woman financially and hopefully, emotionally.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

A haunting.....

There is a new song on the radio that has been haunting me lately.  Ever had that happen to you?  I really try to make sure that I listen to music that has meaning to it and I usually find it on the Christian music station.  It has come a LONG way. It is nice to hear the same songs sometimes on other stations that are not Christian like WPLJ.  Anyway, the name of this song is Lead Me. http://www.sanctusreal.com/ and it is so very true.  I think it really speaks to the plight of American families nationwide.  It serves for me, as a reminder to put aside what does not matter and keep my focus on what does.  It comes from the voice of a father to his family, but it is so easy to turn around to me as Mother, as I sometimes find myself chasing after things that are fleeting.  This song reminds me, as funerals do when I sing at them, that this life is short and that you can't take it with you, so chasing after things that do not matter is simply an illusion to distract us from the things that matter the most, our loved ones, who hopefully, we will spend eternity with in the afterlife.  Many times, as I sit in full view of the casket of a person and have the privilege of singing at their last public remembrance, I think, wow.  This is it for them.  They are leaving us, as simply as they came, penniless, weak, with nothing, but with that weakness, comes a power, a freedom to be free of this life and have things like they have never had them before.  I think of the legacy they have left, good or bad and where my legacy will be.  Thankfully, I have the honor of singing at many funerals and have the chance to reflect over and over.......I need it, since I am easily distracted by the lures of this world.  It is one of reasons why I love the song Lead Me so much. Its catchy and when it comes to my mind and I am humming it, it makes me stop and think about my actions and what I am doing in that minute.  Those are the kind of songs I cherish the most and the ones I will keep listening to the most....the haunting ones.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Preception is reality....or is it?

One of the commonly used phrase in raising my kids is "perception is reality!"  That phrase goes for them as well as for me!  I always have to remember that "truth" wherever I go to keep myself in line with what someone else might be thinking.  Recently, we have had some issues at school with one of my kids not being liked by a bunch of their classmates.  What is a "bunch" you ask? Oh 4 or so. There are only about 12 in the classroom (which I really do like.) Obviously, there is a perception problem with the kids in that they are placing judgment on my child before they even know much about her.  They are forming incorrect perceptions about her before they even get the chance to know her, really.  The good thing about this school though, is that we have a Principal who like a Guardian Angel who truly has her finger on the pulse of the school and is innovative enough to find a solution to the "problem" and who cares enough to do something about it.  We are truly blessed.

"Perception is reality" also works in our own heads, I find.  Recently, I was parked in a parking space that acted like a little "nest" (the asphalt was buckled) and you had to give it some gas to get out of the spot.  When I got back into the car, I. of course forgot that I had parked in my little hole and was a little panicked when I felt as if I was "stuck" and could not move the car.  What was wrong?  Why wasn't I moving? Was something wrong with the car? A little panic starts creeping in.....was I truly stuck?!?! No.....I was just in a rut and had to push through....ok....give it some gas....wait...still stuck!!  What the....!!!  What was wrong now? A quick look around...the parking brake.  Quick move of the hand, problem solved! A little pressure on the gas pedal and off we go!  Sometimes life is like that.  We feel stuck, in a rut....we are not moving....what the heck are we supposed to do?!?!?  PANIC!!!!!!  SCREAM!!!! YELL!?!?!?! Did that help us at all?  Not one bit.  It kept us in our rut and emotionally dug us in deeper.  This is a lesson I need to keep re-teaching myself....  "perception" is usually NOT reality.....and it usually is a LIE!  Life is not always what it seems and if we just push through, give a little gas, keep our cool, soon we will be moving forward in the direction we want to be.

Loudly yours,

Alicia

Brittany, Brittany, Brittany....

If you are a Glee fan (AKA GLEEK), chances are, you saw the last episode "Duets", aired this past week. As usual, it was hilarious.  My friends and I howled and hooted at our weekly Gleek party as has become our custom.  You may or may not have heard about the part of the episode where Britney and Santana, two of the "Cheerios" (cheerleaders on Glee) are lying on Britney's bed and Santana is kissing her neck; slated by some as "Rated X".  Where I would hardly call it "Rated X", there were some parts of the whole show that made me kind of sad and quite pensive.  My main bone of contention is the whole attitude of the Britney character about other people.  It seems as if her goal is to "do" every one in the school including girls and every boy in the school.  It made me sad how empty that way of thinking is.  Not a care of how the other person may feel or how that after "doing" everyone, she obviously is not satisfied.  She seemed so lost and it was sad to think of how many other girls are doing the same, except for possibly, another reason; looking for love.  The complete disregard for the love of self in the act of "putting out" is troubling since there are surely young girls out there who might look up to her and follow in her footsteps. Not knowing that self sacrifice is a gift in and of itself that is the essence of true love; the place where you find that the love you put out and give to others is one of the best ways to receive it.

It was really great to see Artie throw a proverbial Slushie in Britney's face when he confronted her about how cavalier she was about taking his virginity away and how he knew that she was using him for his voice (Oddly enough, ratted out by her "best friend" Santana, who used Britney for a warm body while her own boyfriend was in jail)
 It is that part of the show, where there is little care for the sanctity of life is one part I do not care for at all. That is the part of the show that echoes where a lot of society seems to be carrying on these days; doing whatever feels good at the time, and not giving enough credence to the sanctity of life, of other people, and what is best for all.  I can site many, many cases as examples, but I will spare you of it all. Just turn on the news and you will see plenty of it.

My hope is that they develop the character to truly realize that she is sacred and worth loving; that she is special and the gift of herself not to be given away like some cheap prize, but to honored as a precious jewel of this world.

Loudly yours,
Alicia

Mr. P

In the wake of all the stories and support/opposition of all gay and lesbian people in the world, I wanted to post my own little story about a time in my life when things seemed a lot more innocent (although I am no fool, I know it really wasn't but to me it was).  It was 1976. Belleville School Number 9. 4th grade classroom.  Into the classroom waltzes in Mr. P, tall and lanky, with amusingly colored suits and a funny way of talking.  My very first male teacher.  At first, it was weird for me, having only women in the classroom, most of them very nurturing; it was strange to have, well....a man.  After the initial getting used to, Mr. P was a funny man, who loved to be at the side of his classroom piano and boy did he teach us some great songs. "The Hilllls are ALIVE....with the sOOUnd of MUUUUSic!" 

He and his piano became one; and the sounds were delightful. A wonderful respite to the sometimes dull, droll of school life.  We planned a musical that never came to fruition, (The King and I...of course I dreamed of being Anna) but we did pull off a Sound of Music number (which I was able to get myself into as one of the children). Our 4th grade class (for me, anyway) became alive, like a Broadway stage and Mr. P was its star. 

It was a beautiful time with no labels or misgivings; an innocence that I sometimes long for in a world that seems to divide us more than unite us.  Mr. P was a teacher, not some man who had an alternative lifestyle who you loved from afar since he had to be held at arms length because of it. He was just Mr. P. and I liked it that way.  No one told me that what he was doing was wrong or that he was gay; he was just Mr. P.

Mr. P planted in me the seed of the love of Musicals and a special love of music that I still carry in my heart today; 
for that I will be forever grateful. 

Thanks Mr. P. .....You rock.

Loudly yours,
Alicia

Why we yell....

I have been thinking about creating this blog for about a year.  Why did I wait so long to start it? I am not exactly sure why.  Maybe because it's because I have 7 kids.........maybe its because I have an extremely full schedule, running 20+ miles on the treadmill a week, working full time (thankfully in and around my family), leading a children's choir, cantoring weekly Mass, funeral masses and weddings? Perhaps.......but the creation of this blog has been nagging at me and here I am with the inaugural entry to Why we yell.

So what with the name?  I come from a yelling background; half Italian, half Spanish, both typical yelling cultures. Plus, I have 7 loud children and I am, well....loud.  Do we yell all the time? No, but just a lot of it. We yell when we are happy, we yell when we are sad....then there are times in the middle where it is calm, but not for long....for the empty space just seems to not have a place in our humble abode.  Thankfully, my family is musical, so much of the yelling is musical or music related, so it is tolerable most of the time. 

I think I wanted to focus on the why of it and the joy of it at times.  We are an excitable bunch and we ride hard.  Plus, another reason I personally yell, is that I think my hubby (who accuses me of mumbling all the time) could use that super ear tool at the "As seen on TV" section.  Be clear on one thing...I may be hard on my family and at times critical, but I love them all just the same....and would never return any of them.

Loudly yours,

Alicia